“I Get To”
© 2005 Sandra Ahten

There is no value in life except what you choose to place upon it and no happiness in any place except what you bring to it yourself.
Henry David Thoreau

Deanne looked beleaguered as she was telling me that she needed to increase the amount of exercise she did. Each time she said it, I could see her shoulders drop a little more.

“I have to exercise this week.” “My doctor says I better drop 15 pounds if I want to avoid having to take medication.” “I need to do more planning and preparation in order to eat better.”

These statements feel like a burden. How can we make healthier dieting and weight control a source of pleasure instead of duty? How can we, as Thoreau suggests, take it upon ourselves and bring happiness to this area of our lives?

Try this two step method:
1) Reframe your thoughts by changing the words you use about the situation.
2) Allow that transformation of thought to lead you to creative pleasurable solutions.

Simply change the words “I have to” to “I get to.” I asked Deanne to do this. She was to say it aloud with enthusiasm, changing the inflection each time. Some of these inflections will probably feel more true and inviting than the others. Some of them might feel down right hokey. But regardless, they should get us out of the victim mentality of “I have to,” “I need to,” and “my doctor says I should.”

Once she started reframing the phrase, Deanne actually stopped looking so overwhelmed. I ask her to imagine any possible way that the statement could be true: “Can you imagine a scenario of moving your body - and being glad to do it?”

Deanne has a 10 year old son. When Deanne talks about Sam, her eyes light up. She said that he is always willing to walk with her and so she tried the phrase: “I get to walk with Sam two times this week.” The next week Deanne reported that, in addition to walking, she and her son tried jogging and also spent an energetic afternoon at the pool. Victory! She reframed her thoughts long enough to get rid of her victim position (“I have to”) and opened her mind to a creative solution that included pleasure and joy.

“My doctor says I better drop 15 pounds if I want to avoid having to take a medication.” Reframed: “My doctor says I get to drop fifteen pounds in order to avoid taking a medication.” With this statement, my mind is also able to say, “Whew! I caught it in time that I don’t have to treat it with medication; thank goodness it is a condition I can do something about.” I might even add: “It is only 15 pounds!”

Reframing shines a light of positive attitude. Reframing enables us to look for what we are willing to do instead of just rebelling against what someone or some circumstance is forcing us to do.

Try it yourself. Change “I need to do more planning and preparation in order to eat healthier” to “I want to do more planning and preparation in order to eat healthier.” This gives you an opportunity to remember that it is your choice. You may suddenly be remembering how much less temptation you faced when you were in the habit of taking your lunch to work. Perhaps you’ll decide to designate an evening for fruit and veggie preparation.

Creative pleasurable solutions will present themselves to you when you have opened your mind to them.